A day of two halves

On Friday I had a fairly annoying day in practise. I was put in a clinic with a nurse who clearly didn't want me to be there and had no interest in teaching me anything. My mentor asked her to show me how to do all the paper work and allow me to run the clinic while the nurse could do scopes etc. I was really excited at the prospect of doing a little more than 'observing' and reading through my notes.  But when we got into clinic it became apparent that this nurse just did not have the time, or the want in fact, to show me anything and just got on with running the clinic herself, I tried to interject and ask questions or offer my help but she just kept brushing me off, avoiding eye contact and saying things like 'don't worry' or 'just leave it there and I'll do it'.

I came away really frustrated, I think even more so than I would of been had I just been observing as my mentor obviously felt I was ready to be of some use and I could of been if this woman had been even the least bit helpful. For once I even did try to assert myself by asking endless questions and offering to do things but without her help I was rendered useless. 

I went into practise yesterday a bit deflated and kind of expecting more of the same. However,  when I got in I found that I was going to be spending the morning with my mentor in her clinic (something I have not done since my first day there). My mentor is really knowledgeable and is a nurse practitioner so runs her own clinics. A nurse practitioner is definitely something I want to move onto at some point in the future so even just a chance to observe her working really excited me. But, as ever, she was keen to get me involved and teach me so it was even better than I hoped. We managed to tick off a skill in my book and she even gave me some essay tips. She also taught my how to use some of the equipment (very basic) and let me look in the ears of all her patients which was great!

In the afternoon I was put with a lovely nurse who I hav3 spoken to a few times before so I knew the day was going to continue as it has begun. From pretty much the start of clinic, however, she was flitting off here and there and kind of left me on my own in the room with the SHO and a medical student. The SHO joked to me that I was the nurse running clinic now and the nurse I had been paired with is apparently never very present in the clinics she is meant to be doing. I took this as an opportunity to throw myself into it and actually be of use. And I did! I managed to work out a lot from having observed the clinic before and whilst the nurse was no present in the actual clinic she was always around for me to grab and ask how things were done and she was incredibly helpful as were the HCAs who's brains I had to pick. By the end of clinic the nurse offered to come back in after I asked her advice on something, she looked busy so I said 'to be honest, if you think it's alright I will take care of it and you can stay and finish this off', she said if I felt I could then to go for it and she'd be in the office if I needed anything.

I was so busy and on a high that I pushed to the back of my mind the fuzzy head I had started to get a couple of hours into the clinic but when I was finished and ready to go home it suddenly hit me and I felt absolutely shite.

Luckily I had some ibuprofen in my bag and a biscuit that I had bought at lunch but not eaten so I took that before I left off hoping it would kick in on the walk home and I'd be fine for the evening, as I had choir to attend.

The walk home was hideous and I didn't feel any better by the time I got in at about 5:45. I was due to leave again at 6pm for choir but said to my boyfriend I wasn't going to go because I was petrified this headache and fuzziness would turn into a migraine as I was started to feel sick as well. He told me it was unlikely it would turn into one and I was just paranoid (probably true as I had my first migraine a couple of months ago and it was traumatising! lol). Thankfully knowing my own body and limitations I decided to stay in to be safe. The feeling of sickness got intensely worse as I sat shaking on the couch with a bowl in front of me.. I even skipped dinner .. which is a damn big deal for me. I will spare you the gory details from then on but from about 7pm until midnight I was violently ill with food poisoning!

After the first couple of 'incidents' my boyfriend was asking what I thought it could be, as I am very rarely sick. I said I had wondered if it was the kidney beans I had in my lunch as I do remember always hearing you could die from kidney beans but it's one of those things you brush off as bullshit. Steve googled it and my symptoms matched food poisoning from kidney beans down to a T.
I had used dried kidney beans and apparently the risk with these is far higher (even though I did everything the packet said) so I am 100% sure that's what caused it.

So a really positive literally went from amazing to utter crap in the time it took me to walk home. Truly a day of two halves. 

Watch out for them kidney beans people, and stick to tinned! 

Talking for the sake of it

Okay, it's become obvious that I hate a lot of people and putting me in a room with 200 every week for lectures obviously evokes a lot of hate in me, but I think it is mostly justified! I say hate, but of course I don't ACTUALLY HATE that's just the closest approximation of the anger and frustration that I feel. 

Ironically the lecture in which I became very annoyed today was, anger and aggression. An alright lecture, the lecturer was a very nice chap and the content was fairly interesting if not a little wishy washy. But it was certainly one of the slightly better lectures we've had and so we didn't have the issues I have had mentioned previously, of people  chatting or fidgeting or just plain getting up and leaving!

Something I am starting to notice though is people, putting their hand up and expressing their 'views' for the absolute fuck of it. PISS OFF. Let me be clear that people with a genuine questions, whether I know the answer or not, I get it, I allow it. People with relevant stories, information or issues - brilliant, interesting and happy to sit and listen. The thing I have an issue with is people, (and it's always the same fuckers every week), who just put their hand up every 5 minutes to sound engaged or intellectual or make a point that they are absolutely equal to the lecturer by disagreeing with them.

It used to be very frowned upon to put your hand up and speak in class, in my day you'd be branded a geek or people would get annoyed at you for pausing the class but these days it seems to be the new thing to express an opinion in class, regardless of whether it's interesting or relevant.

For example, today, when talking about management of aggression, the lecturer said something like 'Obviously in a classroom full of disruptive pupils, thanking the student who is paying attention probably would do much toward diffusing the situation'. He then went on to make a few other points before taking questions. One student raised her hand and said in a really long winded and patronising way something to the effect of 'actually in that situation that you mentioned, wouldn't it make it worse to single out that good student as it may cause the other students to turn on them... I just don't think that would be very healthy'. I use this as an example but there have been LOTS of similar incidents to this. I will retort to these knob'eds below...

Firstly, he used it as an example of when it wouldn't be appropriate so fucking LISTEN before you pipe up. Secondly even if he was suggesting we do it, the lectures presume we are switched on adults capable of assessing situations. Obviously they are not giving us one size fits all solutions to situations they are just suggestions and guidelines designed to help us. So why object everytime the teacher doesn't add a clause to the end of their slide saying 'not always applicable'. Thirdly even if he said 'this is how I would deal with it' SO WHAT? Is it worth stopping a whole class to let us know a specific situation where we shouldn't do that. We are intelligent adults as well, we could of worked it out ourselves you patronising DICK.

The moral of this story is if you dare speak in class, I'll punch ya lights out,

Peace X 

Placement- first week

SO!  we've started placement this week for the very first ever time.

My placement is a 9-5 clinic rather than a ward. I am sharing the placement with another girl on my course who, luckily, I have met and spoken to before so we are quite lucky in that we can chat about our placement - good bits, bad bits, help each other out etc. We worked separate days this week and I assume we probably will for the rest of our time there, but I think that's probably a good thing as we get the full focus of our mentors and also there isn't a great deal for us to do so splitting what little there is  wouldn't be very good!

My first day was quite good. I met one of my mentors let's call her Sue, she is really nice, not like super lovely but she's friendly and kind (so far) and seems to genuinely want to help me learn as much as I can. She is really intelligent and competent and I respect her a lot. Obviously I can't reveal much about what I actually did in the day but I basically sat in on clinics, adult in the morning and paediatric in the afternoon. It was a bit overwhelming at first because it is such a specialised area they have a lot of field specific terms and abbreviations that I absolutely did not know which sometimes made things hard to follow but I'm sure I will pick it up as I go along. I was surprised that I actually felt quite comfortable in paediatrics. I have never been a huge fan of kids and they don't tend to like me! But I was actually quite good with them and one even ended up sitting on my knee while the doctor spoke to her mum! It also helped that doctor I was with was really great and actually just spoke to me like we were equals and was really casual and nice.

My second day started off well. I sat in on another clinic and in breaks between patients my mentor was teaching me lots about the area of study and showed me lots of pictures and how to identify different parts and symptoms etc which was really helpful and interesting. However in the afternoon I met my second mentor - let's call her Sam. It's terrible to say this but I instantly disliked her, I think just as a person if I met her in a social situation I would not warm to her which I guess made me feel a bit off. Then she walked me over to the department (across the road into another building so a good 5 minute walk) but just was talking to another nurse about her weekend and didn't acknowledge that I was with her or introduce me to the other nurse. Might sound petty but she had only said the words 'so you're coming over to ___ yeh?' to me so far. She didn't tell me about the department, the clinic, even her name and it just felt a bit rude. Then (again I can't go into much) but she asked me to take a blood pressure using a manual machine which is seldom used anymore and I had said to her before the patient was in that I'd rather she did it first as I wasn't sure on it. When the patient came in she just asked me to do it, I tried to start but was struggling so I said 'Can you walk me through this?' and she just adjusted something on the machine that had been left in the wrong state and said 'it should work now'. So anyway wont go into detail but I ballsed it up a bit and she wasn't helpful in the least. To be honest it wasn't a good day for me personally so it probably bothered me more than it would of any other day but it still wasn't a great start.

Anyway I haven't really got any time to revise this weekend a I'm working a lot (as I have to to survive) so... we'll see how next week goes!!

I love my job and my job isn't nursing

I properly whole-heartedly love my job right now. For those that don't know I am a PA to disabled service users. There isn't much awareness of the role as it is fairly new but the role covers a lot, care, support, medical assistance, chaperone etc. The other night I arrived at my shift and my service user was feeling really down about some stuff, they insisted they were going to bed early and that I could leave early, which I said was fine. However I actually ended up chatting with them for hours and eventually leaving an hour after my shift had finished. But I wasn't in the least bit resentful of having to stay late because I'd allowed my service user to get it all out and go to bed feeling much happier and there's no better feeling than knowing you've helped someone sleep at night.

It really brought it home for me how much I love my job and the one to one difference I can genuinely make to a person over time but also sometimes in one single shift. It actually made me a little scared as the thought crept into my mind that maybe I will never love nursing as much as I love being being a PA. I know it's a silly thing to think because I know I want this for many reasons and I know I am going to love it but actually what if I never get to form such close relationships, what if I can't sit and spend that one to one time with people that I am used to? And what if I want to go the extra mile but I am constricted by time or rules? That is both the plus and minus of being a PA for me. No constrictions from agencies or a boss or a governing body so if my service user wants to do something that requires a bit of a risk and I reckon it'll be worth it, we can go for it! If there are changes to their medication, physio or routine, I can just embrace it and go with it and not worry if I've had a tick in a box to say I can, if I want to stay past my hours to make a difference then I jolly well can. But then of course when something goes wrong this lack of normal job hierarchy means you are on your own.

I really want to be the best nurse I can be and I want it to feel like an extension of what I have learned as a PA but I really do worry sometimes that it will be so different that it will make miss being a PA and all the beautiful privileges that come with the job.

All the gear and no idea

We got our uniforms today!! Finally!! 3 weeks later than we were supposed to have them but even so it's so exciting. I tried mine on as soon as I got home. It horribly unflattering and baggy but it looks the biz. Was so nice to put it on, along with my badge, hospital ID and little upside down watch (I don't even know what it's called!). I took a photo of me in it and sent it to my grandad and dad who were both pleased to see it.

Having the clobber makes it all ever more real, I didn't tell anyone that I had got into University for so long as I just didn't really believe it would happen, I was always waiting for something to go wrong along the way that would stop me being able to train as a nurse, but it's properly happening and I could not be happier.

We've started getting into the hard stuff now, actually learning things in lectures and having to study before and after lectures and make tones of notes, scary stuff but it's all so interesting. I am really worried about the biology, physiology and anatomy side of things - which is a huge chunk of stuff! To be honest, when I applied, I didn't think I would get in as they asked you to have at least A level in one of the sciences and I don't, I only even got C in science at GCSE, it was literally my worst subject! There are some people on my degree who already have degrees in biology or some kind of science and they know all the answers in lectures and I'm just sitting there like... what's a capillary ? .. Very troubling, but at least I know that is my area of weakness and I can work on it.

Rant about students not listening in class!

Well it's time to get down to business. Last week was our first week of actual lectures and training rather than all the bullshit induction we'd had the previous 2 weeks.

So far most lectures have been really interesting. I am finding it tough to keep my brain engaged all day though, I must say. It is obviously a skill I will have to retrain my brain into. Our lectures last 2 solid hours at  time on one subject which long considering they were 50 minutes when I did my music degree. I also get very restless and achy, just physically during this time so going to have to make sure I do lots of exercise and stretchy to keep myself in good physical health.

Something else I CANNOT deal with is people talking during lectures. I have encountered a lot of it this week and it's driving me potty! I am honestly a fairly tolerant person and I can deal with the odd 'what did she say?' or 'dam she's going too fast what was the end of that last quote?' etc. But people just blatantly chatting about their weekends and how bored they are or giggling at minor mistakes, taking the piss out of other students when they put their hand up and speak - that shit is NOT COOL. Firstly, grow the fuck up! You chose to come hear and you are supposed to be interested in the course content, if you aren't, Go. Home. Why disrupt the lecture when it's full of adults trying to learn and engage, you could be in a pub pissing about if that's all you manage to do in life, it is your choice, no one is forcing you to be here! Secondly, don't be rude to fellow students, it's a really tough course and a hard job when we are qualified, we should all be helping each other, let's leave the school yard bitching at school gate. Also it is just plain disrespectful to the lecturers. When we were at school, I know it felt like teachers weren't people but surely as full grow adults we know they are just humans too, doing a job, talking about something they are passionate about and care about and have years of valid experience in. They are offering a wealth of knowledge and really want to help us and yet you disrespect them by talking over them or laughing, they are actual people, it does put them off, it probably does hurt them a little if people aren't paying attention and mostly it no doubt pisses them off and makes them question why they are here and bothering which effects negatively on their teaching which then effects ME! Someone who has huge respect for these individuals and wants to absorb everything they have to offer.

I knew when starting this course that possibly the younger, classic 'students' were going to annoy me but I didn't consider that they would effect MY education. I may have to turn into an enemy and just ask them to shut the fuck up if this continues, I already sit at the front on my own so I can concentrate better, I may as well being an old crazy geek,

Peace out ya'll